Thursday, July 15, 2010


There are times that you just think sometimes you don't want to do this alone anymore. Sometimes I'm tired of being a single parent to the kids. If it weren't for my sister I'm sure that sometimes would be a lot more then they are. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we lived "normal" lives. I wonder what would it be like to never have to worry about him not coming home for months to years at a time. Would we be as strong as we are now, or is it that when he is gone it reminds me to hold every moment, every kiss and every memory dear for I might never get to do those things again. Sometimes I wonder if my kids still even remember him. They talk to his pictures but I don't know if they remember his voice or his laugh. Sometimes the one thing I miss the most is hearing the laughter from the kids when daddy does something silly or just seeing them all cuddled around him watching tv. Living this life makes me look at all my relationships with a different understanding. I don't have to be right next to my best friend to know that she is still my BFF. I know that even I'm not around my family that they still love me and are only a call away. I think living in a world of sometime, what ifs, and I wish makes things a bit more vivid then before. I've learned to never take anything for granted since tomorrow is still a day away and totally uncertain. I've heard people say that before and I wonder if they follow their own advice. Sometimes I don't think they do... Sometimes I wonder where has all this time gone. I look back 10 years and my life is completely unrecognizable and 10 years ago I would have told you that I would never NEVER live a life like the one I do. I always had a romantic point of view on the future and this wasn't it. Don't get me wrong I really do love my life but sometimes I wonder.... People wonder how I do it and I wonder if they could be strong enough to do this. I have always wanted a romantic lifestyle and in a weird way it so is!! I still get love letters 11 years later, he still makes me feel like the world is in my hands and we both rest our happiness on whether the other one is happy. We laugh everyday!! Laughter is the key to being a successful Army wife. Without it we would wither. Making him laugh and hearing his laughter makes my day that much brighter. Never let the laughter die.

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