Well life as I know it could be changin....

As our deployment winds to it's end we have found out how sick my husband really is. They told him that he has Renualt's Syndrome and Rhumitoid Arthritis. These could be two factors that end his career in the Army. He can't keep his hands warm and when they get cold they lock up. Eventually his Arthritis will make it hard for him to do the everyday things like button his pants or open the top of a jar. This scares me more then anything. Not the end of his career but him being sick. I know that I will have to be the one to take care of him and that doesn't bother me at all. I just don't want to see him in pain. It's hard to see someone you love in pain and that's what scares me. I love him with everything I am!! I just want to have him home so I can be the one that takes care of him. He is my heart and my kids are my soul. It's his turn to be a stay at home parent and be taken care of. It will be interesting to see where this takes us. He is just so wonderful. I want to see him happy and see a smile on his face. I will do everything in my power to make him comfortable.

Well....

Well the kids are with the grandparents until Joe comes home on R&R. It's nice to have a big break but I miss them all the same. The trip back home was great!! My mom and dad have a new house and it's really nice and I had a great time just hanging out with my mom. Joe's mom and dad came over to pick up the kids and they've been having a great time too. I spent some time with my BFF Beth and we went to the fair. That marks our 7th year as besties!! We became friends at the Fowlerville fair after about 3 years of hating eachother due to another person who kept us apart. Once we realized the only reason we didn't get along was because of her we both dropped her as a friend. I've picked up more hours at work so that I can save as much money as possible for R&R!! It's gonna be great!! I miss him so much. We have spent more then half of our married life apart and yet we are as strong as ever. I think that we stay so close because we don't take our love or anytime together for granted. We have a connection that has never been broken. 11 years together now and it seems like yesterday we shared our first kiss. I love him so much and I'm so very proud of him for all of the things he does. He is selfless in his service to his country and there are many that could never do the things he has done. He has missed his youngests growing up. He was there when she was born but he hasn't really gotten to be there for her. But through that they have an amazing bond. She knows who he is and tells his pictures everyday about how much she loves him. She thinks he's stuck in a sandbox in the park. It's funny. She wants to go to the park all the time since she thinks that's where she'll find him. I think it's because of all the sand in his pictures that she is for sure that he's stuck in a park. I know that when he gets home that she will not want him to take her to a park!! We are all getting excited for him to come home!!

Sometimes....

There are times that you just think sometimes you don't want to do this alone anymore. Sometimes I'm tired of being a single parent to the kids. If it weren't for my sister I'm sure that sometimes would be a lot more then they are. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we lived "normal" lives. I wonder what would it be like to never have to worry about him not coming home for months to years at a time. Would we be as strong as we are now, or is it that when he is gone it reminds me to hold every moment, every kiss and every memory dear for I might never get to do those things again. Sometimes I wonder if my kids still even remember him. They talk to his pictures but I don't know if they remember his voice or his laugh. Sometimes the one thing I miss the most is hearing the laughter from the kids when daddy does something silly or just seeing them all cuddled around him watching tv. Living this life makes me look at all my relationships with a different understanding. I don't have to be right next to my best friend to know that she is still my BFF. I know that even I'm not around my family that they still love me and are only a call away. I think living in a world of sometime, what ifs, and I wish makes things a bit more vivid then before. I've learned to never take anything for granted since tomorrow is still a day away and totally uncertain. I've heard people say that before and I wonder if they follow their own advice. Sometimes I don't think they do... Sometimes I wonder where has all this time gone. I look back 10 years and my life is completely unrecognizable and 10 years ago I would have told you that I would never NEVER live a life like the one I do. I always had a romantic point of view on the future and this wasn't it. Don't get me wrong I really do love my life but sometimes I wonder.... People wonder how I do it and I wonder if they could be strong enough to do this. I have always wanted a romantic lifestyle and in a weird way it so is!! I still get love letters 11 years later, he still makes me feel like the world is in my hands and we both rest our happiness on whether the other one is happy. We laugh everyday!! Laughter is the key to being a successful Army wife. Without it we would wither. Making him laugh and hearing his laughter makes my day that much brighter. Never let the laughter die.